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mid-morning musings...  
10:07am 12/02/2008
 
 
be_banana
I think I am starting to adjust to the fact that I wont be here at UCSB for much longer. This is my last winter quarter, and then my last spring quarter ever!! Well, until grad school, that is.

At this point in my life, I am at a crossroads. In fact, I think about 100 roads are crossed in front of me, any of which will take me down a different and interesting path. Right now, I am trying to figure out what I am going to do with my year off between undergrad and grad school. I feel like I should take on some internship or training program with my major, but I really really want to go to Europe. I found this really cool summer marine ecology program in Bermuda for the month of July that I'm going to apply for. In fact, I better do that soon since the application deadline is coming up in March. I should apply to a couple other things for the summer. I'm trying not to be too picky, since I don't have that much experience. Yeah! I think I will probably have to find a job for next year, since I will have absolutely no money after I graduate. Also, I'll have to save up some money for Europe next summer! Yup, its gonna happen. So far it's me, Stephen...and yeah. Woo!! I also want to go on a cross country road trip this summer, but I'll probably have to scrounge up $1000 to do that...and I will need a buttload of $$ for Kevin's bday in vegas...GAH why does everything have to cost so much money! What I really need is a rich relative to leave everything to me in their will, or a lottery (or vegas!) jackpot. Yeah...that's it!
 
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AHH!!  
11:23am 06/02/2008
 
 
be_banana
What a difference getting 8 hours of sleep makes!!!
mood: chipperchipper
 
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RESTART  
11:41am 04/02/2008
 
 
be_banana
I wish today had a restart button. From the second I woke up, I knew today was going to be a ... day. And I had such a good weekend! Maybe that's why I'm in such a bad mood- the weekend was so great, and now all I'm left with is a bitter taste in my mouth, and a gigantic physiology test on Friday. I'm trying to plan out my week now and figure out how I'm going to get things done, and it does not look fun. There is the possibility of going to Hollywood/Snowboarding this weekend to look forward to. Although, for me that will probably just result in the loss of lots of money and the incurrence of a lot of pain since I have never actually gone snowboarding...but hey! At least that's something. I really don't want to be in a shitty mood all week while I have to get all this done, but I think the only way to put myself in a better mood would be to kick ass and get all my shit done this week. No wasting time! God, I am the biggest time-waster I know. Look at me now! I have class in 13 minutes and here I am on LJ. Oh well, I never post on here anyway and sometimes you kinda need a therapeutic outlet. Or a procrastinating tool. =)

I do have a plan of attack for today though!! Here it is:

12-1 genetics class
1-5 L&S work (try to finish reading for french and ch st art critique)
5-6 genetics section
6-? finish reviewing physio lecture slides

My muscles are sore... lactic acid build-up or perhaps some gluconeogenesis due to prolonged stress...hey-o! I did learn something in physio today. :)
mood: soresore
music: ABC- jackson 5
 
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I know it's been a long time...  
06:26pm 30/01/2008
 
 
be_banana
...and a quiz is an incredibly lame thing to break the silence with. But- it's very accurate (for once)!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
mood: coldcold
music: miss your class - 56 hope road
 
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(pas de sujets)  
11:37am 13/10/2007
 
 
be_banana
I'm in a good place right now, I think.

I wake up most mornings and think, damn I'm lucky. I don't know why it took so long to get to this point when I can actually feel good about enjoying things WITHOUT making myself feel guilty! Isn't that the worst thing?? When you're trying to enjoy something and this voice enters your head, quickly deflating your balloon of happiness?? Fuck that! I don't need it.

So right now, I'm loving life. There are few things that I still need to work on, but that's what life is...work-in-progress. Haha Veronica would hate me so much right now...waxing philosphical about life. Wow. I just wrote waxing philosophical. I think I heard that said once and wondered when I would ever hear it/see it again....and there it is.

I love making little lists of goals, even though I hardly complete any of them. It's the thought that counts, right?

to do (sat. oct 13):
- reading for eemb 120 and re-read class notes
- read for french seminar...develop presentation for tuesday!
- study fish/ email TA's about meeting times next week to look at lab specimens
- gym?
- fish taco party!
- C-L-E-A-N and decorate house/room!
- DO NOT DRINK!! I have been really sick lately and drinking does not help!

ok that's all for now! Hope everyone has a fun and productive weekend! I miss you :)
mood: crazycrazy
music: push- matchbox twenty
 
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back in sb!  
01:03am 23/09/2007
 
 
be_banana
I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me
mood: accomplishedaccomplished
music: kt tunstall
 
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when the wolf comes through your door  
10:15am 23/08/2007
 
 
be_banana
hello lj. Or should I say, hello 2 people that read this including myself in the future. I am (still) in french polynesia, but things are winding down now and I'm excited to go home. It has been an awesome summer, and I think I've gotten exactly what I've expected from this summer. What I wanted most was a chance to forget about classes and books and grades and work and all the bullshit in santa barbara and do something completely different. I have had a lot of fun and learned a lot working with so many different people. I think I am starting to actually comprehend what a large amount of work grad school is going to be, and now I think I *might* actually be able to do it. I still have no idea what I'd want to do for a masters/PhD, but at least I've met a lot of people who can actually help me figure that shit out. Yeah. Also, this summer was a nice break from responsibilities and people. I mean, I had responsibilities here, but nowhere near as many, so I could actually focus on myself for a change, instead of worrying about who I had to impress to get here, etc. It was also nice to be away from the whole santa barbara mentality. Whenever I'm there, I always feel rushed and stressed out, even when there isn't anything to be stressed about! Mostly it is just restlessness I think. I also can't wait to see my friends!! Ideally, I'd want to come home on aug 31, chill in sd until the 12th or so, fly up to the bay area to visit santa cruz/sf, then come down around the 20th to move up to sb! Yeah, that sounds good to me, but we shall see if it works. I'm so glad I have another month before school starts! Fuck school! No, I'm kidding. This is going to be a good quarter...I think my classes will be challenging, but fun! I know at least one of them has a field trip to Monterey, yay. Okay I've kinda lost my momentum writing this shit, so maybe I will continue later...or not.
mood: hothot
music: who's afraid of the big bad wolf- disney
 
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old post from july 12ish....  
12:27pm 16/08/2007
 
 
be_banana
hey everyone!

(I don't even think anyone reads this anymore, but whatever...)

Time for another random update of the polynesian goings-on. It has been really fun here for the past couple of days since we've had a site review going on. That basically means all these high-ups from the National Science Foundation come visit and decide whether or not the LTER is doing it's job. To simplify a bit ;) But for all the undergrads, it means we get free food, free alcohol, and much more free time than we've ever had before. If it was a normal day, I'd definitely be working. We actually went to the motus today, which are these little sandy islands off the coast of Moorea in the lagoon with the NSF people. It was so much fun!! Snorkeling and laying out on white sandy beaches...oh man. I have never been anywhere this fantastically beautiful. Last night was fun too - we had Tahitian night with a feast and a troupe of traditional tahitian dancers and musicians. Afterwards we had a huge dance party with all these science bigwigs and they were going crazy!!! It was probably the funniest thing I have ever seen...picture these people who are grilling everyone with questions all day and then chugging alcohol and grindin all on each other at night...haha
 
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dude I seriously thought everything would be upside down here  
08:41am 01/07/2007
 
 
be_banana
Greetings from Moorea!!

I thought it would be nice to start actually updating this journal again, now that I am actually doing stuff and going places. So for those of you who somehow don't know, or are otherwise out of the loop, I am currently in Moorea, which is an island in French Polynesia next to Tahiti. I'm gonna be here until August 30th...woo! It's not really a vacation (although I consider anyplace not San Diego or Santa Barbara a vacation) because I'm working on my senior honors thesis research project and assisting a grad student. Yeah..so now you know!

Life has been pretty weird here...the latest I've gone to bed here is 2345 (and it felt SOO MUCH LATER than that) and the latest I've woken up is 0730 (haha I actually use 24hr time here...trying to practice!!). Most of the time I wake up around 630 because that's when the sun comes up and go to bed at like 9 because the days are sooo looong and tiring. A couple of days ago we spent the entire day carrying, washing, and chiseling cinder blocks. ALL DAY!! And then the day before that we reorganized this tool shed thing and carried around these sharp metal cages and fucking cinder blocks with coral stuck to them...haha. While I wait for Nichole to get here, I'm pretty much gonna be bitchin' around and helping everyone who needs it.

But I have gotten to make a few dives and snorkeling! My first day I went snorkeling at this resort to take some pictures with Jenn and Gerick and it was so wonderful!! My first snorkel ever! I did get an urchin spine in my hand and some random coral cuts. It sucks because if you get cuts here, it has a really high chance of getting infected because we are in the water so much and that inhibits healing. This one guy Adrian got a staff infection in his hand and leg, and he had to go get surgery in Tahiti, and now he has a drain in his hand...suuucks. So I'm really careful about my cuts cuz I don't want any fucking infections!! I do have like 600 mosquito bites, and I must be allergic to their spit or something because they swell up so fcking huge and turn purple and red....ew. My legs look like some shit from a movie or something...for some reason I think of Predator, even though I'm sure he had nice legs. ;)

Oh yeah, I also went diving with my professor and some of his friends to go look at sites in the lagoon, and I got to go out to the pass, which has a lot of really cool diving because there's so much biodiversity. For those who don't know, Moorea is a sinking volcanic island, and as it sinks over time a lagoon is formed between the island and the open ocean. Right now the lagoon is around 15 ft deep, and that's where we usually dive. However, the passes are where the bays connect to the ocean, and that can be about 120 ft deep. So when I went out to the pass, we had to stay above 30 feet (because that's my max cert. depth for scientific diving) but it was so awesome. I wish I had an underwater camera so I could get some pictures, but I know people who do so I'm gonna try to get them to dive with me so I can post pictures on facebook :)

Oh yeah, another funny story..Thursday night we all went out to this bar/restaurant thing called Maria Tapas and we went in this big group...all the ucsb undergrads (Jenn, Thomas, Spenser, Stephanie, and me), Gerick, and then these grad students from CSUN and Long Beach. It was really fun - we went to go see some guy named Bubba play guitar and do covers. He was pretty good, but his guitarist looked like the bad guy from Kindergarten Cop..hahaha. So at some point, after a couple beers (really expensive ones!! like 1000 cpf/$10 a bottle, but that's because I only really like the dark stuff), this old Tahitian guy comes over (I think his name was Willie) and asks Jenn to dance. I just laugh and watch and take pictures and stuff, but then he comes over and asks me to dance too. Everyone's laughing really hard and taking pictures...which upon later examination i find that the old dude TOTALLY copped a feel! Bastard! hahaha! After that, I sat down and drank some more, got serenaded in Tahitian by Willie, and drank some more..haha. At some point, we were all thinking about leaving, when this really really tatooed guy came over and said to me "This is Serge...and he loves you!!" I was like oh, god who's Serge! And it was this french guy...he was kinda old, but not terrible looking! He asked me to dance, and then put on some music so we could merengue (sp?) and I was like UUUHHH I CAN'T DANCE and everyone was laughing really hard and taking tons of pictures but I guess it was fun! And that is my story.

Okay, my 2 hour morning break is almost over, so that's all for now!
mood: okayokay
music: what a fool believes- the doobie brothers
 
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stop the presses! who is that?  
08:14am 05/06/2007
 
 
be_banana
I'm....happy. Woah! What a difference it makes to get 9hrs of sleep and wake up to beautiful sunny skies. I think the reason I get so upset and depressed is because I waste so much fucking time when I could be getting shit done! So, after discussing this problem with my dear friends (v-ron, martin, hannah), I think I can really make progress in improving my general mental health. I'm going to be more active and get my shit together (it's not that hard, and it makes me feel good!), eat better and just generally take care of myself, and HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS!! I miss them!

Okay, I'm gonna go for a run now, and then I have to do a bunch of shit today (work in lab, tours for kids, art class, buy scuba gear, etc.). I hope everyone has a nice day today, and my good mood actually lasts!

10 days until I'm back in sd!
17 days until I'm heading off to Moorea for the summer! :)
mood: contentcontent
music: wah-wah- george harrison
 
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